Someone asked me what it meant when I said “Autism won today”, and I realized that it may be a common phrase heard, but not understood, and the explanation may be helpful if shared.
As I’ve explained many times, each child is unique, just as each human is unique, and because of this, each diagnosis, and the behavior to it is unique as well. For our household, the following are times in the last week that I’ve used the expression “Autism Won Today”:
When Luca broke our TV screen protector, that we purchased to protect the new TV after he broke the last one.
When Jack’s inability to have a calm body meant that he kicked his sister so hard in the face it left a heal of a bruise on her cheek for the week. Have fun explaining that one to daycare!
But when autism really won this week, was when I sat in the car, after carrying a kicking and screaming Luca, who yelled “Help Me. Listen to me. I don’t like you”, clawing at my arms and pulling my hair, as we passed a security guard. I sat for a full 60 seconds, tears streaming down my face, wondering if he planned to follow me out of the store - but thought better not to because we looked to be above his pay grade for that kind of drama. He didn’t know that Luca was disappointed in their lack of sea animal figurines.
I never say “Autism Won”, by itself, because like most care-givers parenting autism, we are in constant battle-mode- and even if it gets us for a moment, we are agile… we fight back… we learn… we adjust… we recollect ourselves and return to the fight stronger, wiser, and faster the next time.
Want to know how I won this week?
When Luca was able to tell Jack, “You’re too loud Jack. Please stop.” In FULL sentences, and he turned and went into the room on his own, like I have been showing him for weeks.
When Jack chose to “hulk smash” on the trampoline instead of pummeling Luca, working out his frustration on the bounce versus the brother.
And when I wrote this blog post, while three kids sat at the table, eating their dinner, and my wife’s dinner was simmering on the stove. Yes, all three had iPads, and I’ll admit it because I’m all about the honesty here… but if you judge that last part- you can go sit on your smug mountain and watch from a distance because judgement is not welcome here. I’m kicking ass and taking names today. Period.
Here’s hoping you are in the lead today, or that even better, you’ve gotten past the need to keep score, because living in the moment of it has become enough. Keep fighting… if anything, just keep going. You’ve got this. And like Glennon Doyle says, “We can do hard things.” Because: we can. Xo